Lament of the Mind

I was sitting here a minute ago trying to remember past Halloweens, and what costumes I wore, and how much I enjoyed them…

…and then I realized. I didn’t. My costumes were all complete shit - so bad that I loathed them. Every Halloween always ended poorly for me. I was picked on and bullied, rarely got anything good, didn’t have fun, was injured multiple times…

I used to think that Halloween was my favorite holiday. But no. No, Halloween was never my favorite. The IDEA of Halloween was my favorite. Halloween itself was always hell on earth for me, because not only did my Halloween suck, but my sister - as usual - always got whatever the shit she wanted and had the time of her life. It’s not a wonder I stopped celebrating it at like 12. I was old enough that mom could just leave me at home and not have to force me to go through the motions (and probably get the piss beat out of me again).

It’s just reminding me more and more how much I fucking hate my childhood, and what I went through. My parents were fucking horrible. My life was fucking horrible. In ways, it still is.

I hope everyone’s having a good Halloween. I’m gonna sit here and pretend to be an emotionally stable human being.